I Wasn't Always
by LoopyToucan
Summary: I wasn't always Bellatrix Lestrange, Death Eater. I used to be Bellatrix Black, proud Pureblood. I wasn't always feared and hated. I used to be praised and pampered. But back when I was Bellatrix Black, perfect little Pureblood, I felt weak. Now I am a different kind of weak. A weak that somehow feels strong. Feels right.


**Hello People of the World,**

**So, I've been reading a lot of Bellatrix FanFics, and I have realized that she has a lot of potential. Naturally, I decided to try one out. I hope it's okay. CC is welcome, but no flames please!**

**As I said on my profile, I'm only doing one-shots now. Feel free to PM or review with suggestions or requests. I'm always looking for something new to try out!**

**Word Count: 609**

**Warning: This story is kind of sadistic…**

**Anyway…**

I Wasn't Always

I wasn't always Bellatrix Lestrange, Death Eater. I used to be Bellatrix Black, proud Pureblood. I wasn't always feared and hated. I used to be praised and pampered. But back when I was Bellatrix Black, perfect little Pureblood, I felt weak. Now I am a different kind of weak. A weak that somehow feels strong. Feels right.

Now I need blood like others need water. I need screams like others need food. Terror is my life force, feeding my power, keeping me alive. I wasn't always like that. When I ran to the Dark Lord and let him burn my arm, I lost those last bits of Bellatrix Black. She was just gone like that. _Poof!_

The Longbottoms were my first. They were not my last. I ran to them because I needed to. I did not use that curse because of my orders. I could've cared less. But I needed to feel the helplessness that came from an Unforgivable. And when I stole their sanity, stole their identity, I never felt anything like it. A rush of raw energy surged through me, making my blood boil. But I lost control of myself. I couldn't feel the spell or feel myself. So I did the only thing I could. I laughed. And then I ran.

I wanted that rush again, needed it even. Yes, I Bellatrix Black had become addicted to torturing others. Even when I said it to myself, it sounded monstrous and barbaric. But I needed it. So I hunted down my next victim. And the next. And the next. Sometimes a wand was too clean. So I turned to a knife.

I threatened people with that glinting blade, a sadistic smile on my grimy face. The feeling of _my_ weapon slicing through thin, pale skin, feeling everything burst. I shuddered with anticipation when the bright red blood blossomed out of the incision. I could not let a single drop touch the ground. No, I simply drank it; let the coppery taste flood my mouth. And the power I felt was inexplicable. So I laughed. And then I ran.

I wasn't always that woman. I wasn't always weak enough to be dependent on blood. But people change. Desires change. Needs change. Names change. When I served my Lord, I though nothing could stop me. The simple need to please him made me invincible. But like all the others, he was defeated. I lost everything I had lived for.

The people from the Ministry thought they caught me. _Me_! They thought that their stupid little Aurors could capture Bellatrix Lestrange, of all Death Eaters. As much as I hate to admit it, I was like my bloodtraitor cousin at that time. I came without a struggle. There was no reason for me to live and be free. I came silently. Except I laughed.

And I laugh today still. It is the only pastime in this prison cell with a few roaches for company. Each day I laugh, throwing my head back and letting the tremors shake my body. Each day, the shrieks pour endlessly out of my dry, burnt throat, piercing the dank air. It is all I can do to go insane from boredom. Laugh until my voice comes out in hoarse bursts. It is all I can do.

Each day I carve one more line into my grimy skin to mark the day. The skin falls away to reveal drops of ruby that decorate my cell. I do not cry or scream; for pain is the very thing I live for. The very thing that keeps me alive. The very thing that makes me Bellatrix Lestrange.

**So, ya…**

**That was my very short one-shot. Let me know if you think I should do anymore Bellatrix FanFics. And feel free to leave requests as reviews or PMs :)**

**Tootles!**

**~LT**


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